How To Decide Between Helicopter vs. Free-Range Parenting

As parents see their children grow to leave the nest, they often start second-guessing themselves, wondering if they parented right. Especially if their young adult appears to be struggling to live on their own. Exploring two parenting styles helps us better understand the pros and cons of each.

Hands-Off Parenting

Free-range parenting is a style that emphasizes giving children independence and autonomy, allowing them to explore the world and learn through experience. It can affect kids as they become young adults in several ways:

Increased independence: Free-range parenting can help children develop a sense of independence and self-reliance, which can be beneficial as they transition into adulthood. They are able to make decisions and solve problems on their own.

Stronger problem-solving skills: a hands-off style allows children to make mistakes and learn from them, which can help them develop strong problem-solving skills.

Greater confidence: Children who are given autonomy and independence may develop greater confidence in their abilities and feel more capable of handling new challenges.

Greater sense of responsibility: Kids who are given more freedom may develop a greater sense of responsibility for their actions as an adult and the consequences that come with them.

More resilience: Kids that can explore and try new things may become more resilient in the face of failure and setbacks. They are likely to be more comfortable with taking risks and facing new challenges.

Better judgment: Free-range parenting may help young adults develop better judgment and decision-making skills. They learn to take responsibility for their actions and to evaluate the risks and benefits of their choices.

What negative outcomes result?

While free-range parenting can have many positive benefits, there are also some potential negative outcomes that may result, such as:

Increased risk-taking behavior: Children who are given more freedom and autonomy may be more likely to engage in risky behavior, such as substance use or reckless driving.
Difficulty following rules: Kids who are not used to having set boundaries and rules may have a harder time following them, which can lead to problems with authority figures or in educational or professional settings.

Lack of structure: free-range kids don’t have set routines and schedules and may have a harder time adjusting to the structure and discipline required in educational, professional, and other adult settings.

Difficulty with communication: Children who are not used to discussing their thoughts and feelings with their parents may have a harder time communicating with others and may have difficulty forming healthy relationships.

Difficulty with self-regulation: They may have difficulty regulating their emotions and impulses, which can lead to problems with self-control and decision-making.

Difficulty with academics: Teens who are not given enough direction and structure may struggle to focus on their studies and may find it hard to complete homework and other academic assignments.

It’s important to note that free-range parenting does not mean neglecting children or leaving them without guidance or boundaries. It’s about finding a balance between giving children the freedom to learn and grow independently and providing them with the guidance, support, and protection they need to be safe and healthy. Parents should be aware of the potential negative outcomes and take steps to mitigate them while still allowing their children to have their own experiences.

Helicopter Parenting

Overparenting can cause young adults to fail in a number of ways, causing young adults to boomerang back home. Here are a few:

Lack of independence: Helicopter parents often do too much for their children, preventing them from learning how to do things on their own. This can make it difficult for young adults to make decisions, solve problems, and take responsibility for their actions.

Difficulty handling failure: Parents often shield their children from failure, which can make it difficult for young adults to handle disappointment and setbacks when they inevitably occur. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem.
Difficulty with self-regulation: Over-protective moms and dads often do not allow their children to experience the natural consequences of their actions. This can make it difficult for young adults to learn self-regulation and self-discipline.

Difficulty with self-motivation: Helicopter parents often do things for their children that they can do themselves. This can make it difficult for young adults to develop self-motivation and initiative.

Difficulty with managing stress: mothers in particular, often shield their children from stress and pressure, which can make it difficult for young adults to manage stress when they are faced with it.

Difficulty with resilience: Hovering parents often shield their children from facing challenges and difficulties, which can make it difficult for young adults to develop resilience and the ability to cope with adversity.

How Hovering Helps

Helicopter parenting is not always bad, but it can be harmful when it becomes excessive and doesn’t allow for the child to learn and grow on their own. In fact, here are some very valuable outcomes:

Improved academic performance: Parents often monitor their children’s academic progress closely and provide extra support when needed. This can help children achieve better grades and test scores.

Greater emotional support: Helicopter parents often provide their children with a great deal of emotional support and encouragement. This can help teens and young adults feel more secure and confident.

Greater sense of responsibility: Helicopter parents often hold their children accountable for their actions and help them learn to take responsibility for their mistakes. This can help children develop a strong sense of responsibility and integrity.

Increased structure: mothers and fathers who hover often provide their children with structure and routine, which can help young people feel more secure and stable.

Greater sense of belonging: A close-knit family usually means more involvement, which helps your young adult feel more connected and supported.

The Dance

Ultimately a good balance of the two parenting styles produced the best results. Knowing when to hover and when to back off is a dance all parents must learn in order to produce healthy young adults who can survive in this world.

Regardless of how they are raised, all young people struggle with adulting at first. There is a huge learning curve when launching out on their own. The following simple tips can help set them up for success:

Create a budget and stick to it. This will help you manage your finances and avoid overspending.

2. Make a plan for saving money. Set financial goals for yourself and create a plan for how you will reach them.

3. Get to know your neighbors and make connections in your community. This will help you feel more connected and supported in your new environment.

4. Be responsible and take care of your living space. Clean and maintain your home, and be respectful of your landlord or roommates.

5. Be open to new experiences and try new things. Living on your own is an opportunity to learn and grow as a person.

6. Take care of your physical and mental health. Maintain a healthy lifestyle and seek support if you need it.

7. Learn to cook and meal prep. Eating out or ordering food can get expensive quickly.

8. If possible, find a part-time or full-time job. It will give you independence and help you save money.

9. Communicate with your parents, friends, and family. They can be a valuable source of support and advice.

10. Lastly, remember to enjoy the experience and make good memories.

If you would like to read more tips for adulting in today’s world, Tez is finishing up his book for young adult Christians, Adult-O-Nomics: 500 Truths, Techniques, and Tips for Launching Successfully. Coming soon!