How Are You Protecting Your Teen Daughter from Heartbreak?

A few days ago, a DJ on the radio said his teen daughter just experienced her first heartbreak over a guy at school who dumped her for another girl. He tells the other radio host, “So we’re giving her some space.”

I wanted to call into the program. There was so much wrong with this situation—where to start? I was shocked that this dad’s response was so casual and nonchalant. There were a million questions I wanted to ask this dad:

• “Did you make an effort to meet this boy?”
• “Did you talk with her about getting your blessing before letting a guy capture her young heart?”
• “What are the ways you attempted to protect her heart from becoming defrauded like this?”
• “Since a lot can be learned from his family life, were efforts made to meet the boy’s parents?”
• “Have you considered protecting your daughter from casual romances until she’s ready for marriage?”

As homeschoolers, we don’t have to worry about my daughters spending six hours a day at school with a boy. They knew any boy with romantic interests must first spend time with us as a family and ask my permission before trying to win my daughter’s affection. This allows us to interact with the boy and get to know him. Building a relationship with the boy helps us ask important questions during casual conversations, questions our daughters may be too naive to ask. Knowing the boy and his parents over several months helps us trust him enough to be alone with our girl one day.

I was sad for this DJ’s daughter, wondering what this boy was trying to accomplish. Did he have any business wooing someone’s daughter if he couldn’t yet afford to love her unconditionally, marry her, and support her? Was it ok for him to merely enjoy the fun of romancing a girl with no need to be a man? Because fun without responsibility doesn’t make responsibility very appealing, does it? A boy that age can’t even follow through on any promises he might have made to love this girl. But isn’t this what we teach our boys; to practice for marriage for several years, using girls and leaving a trail of broken and defrauded hearts until they want to settle down? 

I’ve never been one to embrace societal norms without questioning the why. Some of my house rules are unusual, so I don’t share them unless people ask. Besides, I have no idea if my plans to protect my girls will work in the end. I’ve seen a lot of kids rebel as young adults. So, I don’t want to come across like I have the perfect plan, then eat crow later. But at least we’ve diligently protected our kids during their most vulnerable years. How they respond to that foundation as adults is their choice.   

I know my daughters may not embrace my convictions about dating. Some of my older kids haven’t, and it has caused them much heartache. They have ignored my advice, stepped out from under my protective care, and had relationships independent of my involvement. It didn’t go well. But it may not have gone well anyway, even f they followed my advice.

So, let’s hear from other dads out there. How do you protect your daughter’s heart? Which camp do you find yourself more comfortable in societal norms, counter-cultural ideas, or somewhere in between?