How Should the Church Help Members with LGBTQ Issues?

Meet Shane*, a construction worker and single dad who loves Jesus and is deeply committed to following the Lord. But Shane struggles with feelings for other guys. His church offers a ministry to those like Shane.

Although the group offered him a tight community, he found it alienating and difficult to meet other people at church he might enjoy getting to know, like other single parents or those in the construction business.

“I just want to be looked at as a regular guy,” Shane said. “A Christian, without my old labels.”

I felt sad for Shane. There are a lot of Christian organizations and churches reaching out and ministering to believers who experience homosexual feelings. But are churches offering the wrong support?

The question is answered when we look at the various names we use to identify this group. Some say they want to be identified as a person who struggles with attraction to the same gender. Others call themselves gay Christians. Still, others feel like 1 Corinthians 6:9-11 is clear regarding our identity. So which is the proper terminology? Let’s explore each of these titles a little closer. Only then can we help guys like Shane.

LABELS
To be honest, the term gay Christian is an oxymoron to many Christians, because the word gay carries with it a stigma. Among the evangelical community, it implies a certain lifestyle that is contrary to a Christian’s life.

To most Bible-believing Christ-followers, gay means you are actively in a homosexual lifestyle or open to it. It assumes you are not attempting to pursue a holy life of abstinence. This is how most Christians interpret gay, as a verb.

With this definition in mind, we can see how the phrase gay Christian, upsets believers because it’s like saying, “I’m a Christian bank robber.” It just doesn’t make sense and feels downright blasphemous for someone to claim they are a follower of Christ, yet blatantly refuse to obey his Word. It brings reproach upon themselves, the church, and the name of Christ.

I know this can be a painful revelation if you call yourself a gay Christian. This is particularly hard if you are refraining from sin but don’t know what else to call yourself. It’s not that people are assuming the worst of you; it’s that choosing to call yourself “gay Christian” is misleading and carries a scandalous definition. If you are dedicated to God’s precepts, you must forsake this mislabeling.

Another phrase, same-sex attracted (SSA), seems to be more acceptable to Christians. It promotes empathy in their hearts. Christians understand this label and more readily embrace it because it doesn’t imply that sin is happening; it merely implies a temptation without making that temptation your identity. We all struggle with temptation. This label implies no active sinfulness—only a cry for help. But still, is this the right label?

THE BIBLICAL LABEL
I would plead both labels are incorrect for these Christians trying to live holy lives. We miss the mark when we begin to bring attention to or make this particular sin special. When we form customized affinity groups for those struggling with attraction toward the same gender, we place the focus (and sympathy) on the sin, making it bigger, or greater than other sins. Additionally, we add to the problem by labeling the person.

Are we to make an identity out of a temptation pattern? No, that is divisive and leads us away from Christ, our hope. This is why we don’t see Christians wearing name tags that say, “Ex-Fibber” or “Former Shop-Lifter.” We should be treating LGBTQ tendencies like any other sin of which we’ve been forgiven. After all, does God categorize sins as lesser or greater?

By diminishing any sin’s importance, we correctly place the focus on mortifying. I’m not talking about humiliating yourself. Mortification has two definitions. I’m referring to the second–pursuing holiness by intentionally and strategically killing fleshly desires through the discipline of self-denial. We must ruthlessly starve our old nature until it’s dead! Rather than identification, we must choose mortification—the more biblical solution to any sin. 

I do think it’s wise to acknowledge certain issues, including homosexuality, hold more difficult challenges (i.e., eating disorders, alcoholism, porn addiction, pedophilia, and more). These necessitate understanding and empathy. However, when it begins to separate and elevate certain individuals over other sins, I think we fail our dear comrades like Shane. We must help our brothers and sisters begin identifying as a new creation and embrace the biblical label of “New Creation.”

We must re-direct these precious brothers and sisters away from identifying to mortifying. Then we can place the emphasis on the work of Christ and his blood, instead of on their sins. Born-again children of God have a new identity. We are new creatures! We need not continue to call ourselves by our old labels. This only defeats and beats us down so that we can not rise above it to be what Christ has already made us—victorious over sin and death.

MY STORY
Lest you shake a finger and say, “The identity that comes with same-sex attraction runs deep in the psyche of those who own it. You can’t possibly know what it’s like! It can’t be easily thrown off or minimized.”

You’re right; any sexual sin is hard to overcome. But I’m speaking from experience. Ever since I was molested as a young teen by a man in our church, I myself have struggled with sexual attraction toward both women and men at times. That’s right; I just outed myself. It’s not the first time–I’ve shared my testimony several times over the decades. But I don’t go around calling myself someone with SSA. 

By God’s grace, he kept a very short leash on me. I never turned from him or the church. Over the decades, I realized God probably was never going to remove those feelings completely, but he graciously continued to give me an attraction for women. I see his redemptive power in my life every day when I look at my lovely wife, four amazing children, and a thriving ministry.

I’m not worthy, and his pardon overwhelms me with gratitude.

My favorite verse, Philippians 3:12, says it best, “I don’t mean to say I’m perfect, I haven’t learned all I should even yet. But I keep working toward that day when I will finally be all that Christ saved me for and wants me to be” (Living Bible).

I stand as a testimony of God’s grace because I know I have lots of issues. I struggle with pride, arrogance, fear of failure, anger, the temptation to look at porn, to lie, to steal, to stare too long at a woman … or a man. I watch too much TV and eat too many donuts. Sometimes, I neglect my wife or yell at my kids. I forget to pray or read his Word, and I don’t love others like Christ does…the list goes on.

Still, I refuse to write these sins on my forehead and make sure everyone understands this is who I am. It never occurs to me to introduce myself as a bisexual Christian any more than I’d call myself a pizza-monger.

God’s word makes it clear I’m to embrace the new man inside. I’m not to constantly identify by creating a public spotlight for each of those issues and hanging out with others of similar pigeon-holes, just because I feel they “get me” more than other Christians.

I must abase my flesh and die to self. Because my propensity to sin is not who I am. I’m so much more than my battles—I’m a husband, a daddy, a missionary, an author, a hiker, and more. Primarily, I am no longer a slave to sin, but a child of God. That is my utmost identity (Romans 6: 6 and 11).

LET US THROW IT OFF
Homosexuality is not a behavior to be modified. It’s a sin to be mortified. Labels only reinforce the old man and make sins harder to resist. How long can a person who calls himself/herself a gay Christian continue to deny that temptation? When will they, because of that label, finally act out on it? How long can someone say they have SSA without it becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy?

Those identifying as Christians who are gay, SSA, gender dysphoric, or anything on the LGBTQ+ spectrum need loving, gentle guidance to help kill the flesh. Believers immersed and grounded in God’s word can help them live life more abundantly. That is how the church can best help. Every Christ-follower (you, me, and Shane) must learn to sever our hearts and minds from Satan’s labels and embrace our new identity as “cherished of God,” “highly favored,” “saint,” “lover of righteousness,” “holy one,” “child of the light.”

Ephesians 4:22-24 reminds us what we were taught with regard to our former way of life—to put off our old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires, and be made new in our minds. To put on the new nature that was created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. Only when we strip away the old man and pursue who God has called us to be, will we experience true freedom from sin.

*Name changed for privacy