Before You Say “I Do,” Ask the Right Questions
Most couples spend countless hours planning a wedding.
They compare venues, taste cakes, choose flowers, and debate the guest list. Those things aren’t wrong—they’re part of celebrating a special day.
But there’s a question I wish more couples asked long before they started planning a wedding.
Is God actually calling us to marriage?
That’s a very different question than, “Are we in love?” or “Do we enjoy spending time together?”
Love is important. Compatibility matters. Shared interests are wonderful.
But a Christ-centered marriage requires something even deeper: two people pursuing the same Savior.
Your Relationship With God Shapes Everything Else
When someone genuinely follows Christ, it affects every area of life.
It shapes how they handle conflict.
Spend money.
Serve others.
How they forgive.
And make decisions.
Marriage doesn’t create a spiritual foundation—it reveals the one that’s already there.
That’s why one of the first conversations couples should have isn’t about wedding colors or honeymoon destinations. It’s about faith.
Not just whether someone attends church occasionally, but questions like:
How did you come to know Christ?
What helps you stay close to Him?
How do you seek God’s direction when making important decisions?
What role does the church play in your life?
Are there areas where you’re still asking God to help you grow?
Those conversations tell you far more than a social media profile ever could.
Don’t Settle for Assumptions
One of the biggest mistakes dating couples make is assuming they already know the answers.
“We both go to church.”
“We both believe in God.”
“We’ll figure it out later.”
Those assumptions can hide important differences.
One person may see faith as something reserved for Sunday mornings, while the other wants Christ to guide every decision they make.
Neither person may realize the gap exists until after the wedding.
The goal isn’t to interrogate each other.
It’s to understand one another.
Honest conversations today can prevent painful surprises tomorrow.
Marriage Is a Spiritual Journey
A healthy Christian marriage isn’t built on perfect people.
It’s built on two imperfect people who are both committed to becoming more like Jesus.
That means praying together.
Growing together.
Serving together.
Encouraging one another when life becomes difficult.
If your relationship with Christ is central before marriage, it’ll continue to shape your marriage long after the honeymoon is over.
Start the Conversation
If you’re seriously considering marriage, don’t wait until premarital counseling to talk about your faith.
Start now.
Pour a cup of coffee, open your Bible, and ask meaningful questions. Listen carefully. Be honest with your answers. Pray together for wisdom.
Those conversations may become some of the most valuable dates you’ll ever have.
In Is God Calling Us to Marry?, I share 100 discussion questions designed to help couples explore topics that matter before saying “I do.” Week 1 begins with the most important place of all—your relationship with God—because every strong marriage starts with a strong foundation.
Question to consider: If someone observed your relationship, would they say Christ is at the center of it—or simply invited to be part of it?
If you missed last week’s blog post, you can check it out here:
