Is God Calling You and Your Loved One to Get Married?
Tez’s new book will help you decide. But what’s it about?
So you’re considering an engagement. That’s a big step. You may be asking yourself if this is the right person to marry. How will you know?
Maybe you’ve already popped the question then discovered amid all the excitement, planning, and reserving, that your officiant has a few questions you can’t answer about your relationship.
A national survey of divorced couples revealed that 45 percent cited “unrealistic expectations” as one of the top reasons for the breakup. [1]
As a minister, I ask each engaged couple to attend six premarital counseling sessions before I agree to officiate their wedding. Premarital counseling prepares the man and woman for a lifelong marriage while revealing any red flags that may signal a need for deeper conversation. If any issue is severe, this gives the couple a chance to reconsider the union altogether. Not only do I want to know where the couple stands spiritually and relationally, but it’s also my hope they come to know each other better. For this reason, it’s wise to complete any counseling before ordering those wedding announcements.
A pastor can’t possibly cover every topic. Even if he could, once an engagement occurs, it’s hard to backpedal if you discover things that cause you to reconsider marriage. Talking through some topics before an engagement allows you to have rich and enlightening dialogue together for a more informed decision.
With that in mind, I designed a list of one hundred discussion questions to give you a jump start on your premarital counseling. These are not superficial inquiries like “Share your favorite love song” or “What’s your most embarrassing moment?” Prepare for deeper, more meaningful, and often probing matters. Ask one another the same questions to ensure neither of you is leaping into a lifelong commitment without knowing as much as possible up front.
These days, most couples know when a proposal is on the horizon. You might have both been alluding to marriage long before the ring appears. Therefore, it’s critical you begin this resource before investing in an engagement ring or saying “yes.” You might find some of these questions have already been discussed, even as boyfriend/girlfriend. Why not know as much as possible (within reason) before you commit to getting engaged?
If you are already engaged, these questions will still be quite helpful. Much of what will be revealed through these discussions will help you discover if you should even get married at all. Start as soon as possible. Asking these vital questions only weeks before the wedding is gambling with your emotional well-being and possibly your entire future.
While the list in this book isn’t comprehensive, the amount of questions can still feel overwhelming. They have been broken into categories. You may tackle one section in its entirety or skip around. But avoid the temptation to rush through. They are meant to be explored slowly, so delve into five to ten questions per week and enjoy the conversations over coffee. These may very well be some of the most cherished dates you’ll remember.
Read the Bible passages before each section and pray together, asking the Lord to give you wisdom regarding this union. Ask Him to reveal the truth for what his Word declares. Once finished, you’ll be well on your way toward a better relationship with a deeper understanding of one another.
It’s impossible to discover everything. Still, as you begin making plans, I recommend you schedule time in a relaxed, semi-private setting to discuss these topics. This allows you to have rich dialogue uncovering vital information about one another. Depending on your age, consider having your parents or an older married couple nearby to help you decide which questions are appropriate for your relationship and how much to share. How close you are to an engagement or wedding also plays a part in this.
While some of these questions have no wrong answers, others may be clearly spelled out in Scripture. It’s best to explore what the Bible says about each of these topics rather than merely settle on an opinion or preference, which may or may not be biblical. In the end, I pray your conversations will be valuable to you both. May your relationship be blessed and God-honoring. The book releases in February 2025 on Amazon.
[1] “With This Ring, A National Survey on Marriage in America,” National Fatherhood Initiative, 2005, p. 32, https://www.fatherhood.org/with-this-ring-survey.